Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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