you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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