I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
