New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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