I cockslap morals
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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