The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would fuck him just for his dog
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
