you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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