He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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