I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
handjob tips. give me some.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
