I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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