She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
