I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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