Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize