Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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