But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
