there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Life is so much better after having sex.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
