I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
