I'm gonna have a badass scar
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
