I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
