Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
