these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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