I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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