oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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