we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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