I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize