He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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