glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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