i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
