I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
