my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
