i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
