I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
