At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize