Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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