He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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