I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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