I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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