you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
