I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
