yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize