Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
