I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
