Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
