i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You're like the curious george of whores
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
