I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
