Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got inside last night via doggy door
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
