I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
