I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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