That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
