Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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