While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
