Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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