You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
