I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
