your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
