I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
