He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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