What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
