I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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