I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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