she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
