I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
