If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
