you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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