so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
