Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
