i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
