I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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